The Fly to the Flame: Addictions and the Modern Writer

This week I have been trying to work my way through a particularly intense scene in my new book, ‘Neon Lights’, and have found it extremely tough going. It involves the main character – a detective by the name of Sebastian Kessler- attempting to face up to a drug problem which has its claws in every aspect of his life. It’s an extremely harrowing scene which I have gone over in my head what feels like a million times – typed and retyped it out on the computer, I have even changed my tools when I still was not happy with it and selected a variety of pens and notebooks and given it a go…..however, still I was not satisfied with it. Between all this writing I have continued to think about the scene – morning, noon and night – at work, while I was with my family, while at a friend’s wedding and the six hour trip (that is six hours driving there and six hours back) that surrounded that celebration – all this time spent obsessing over this one damn scene! Finally, yesterday, tired and worn out from going over the same images, prose, conversations and motives…it came to me and the chapter flowed like the bursting of a damn. So here I am, that week is over and I am left to reflect on the what’s why’s where’s and when’s of what all the fuss was about……

Addictions

I feel the scene began to reflect real life. Kessler, my flawed hero, is so focused on doing anything just to get through the day, trying his best to keep his small world afloat. Yes, ok – he lives on Dis, an extremely dangerous city where his life (and any of the billions living in that toxic environment) are in danger at any given time – excuse me for using a cliché but it’s true, life is cheap in the world of Sebastian Kessler – and although Belfast and Northern Ireland have had their moments, my problems are not as dramatic as his. However, I, like anyone living in this modern world, can certainly understand addictions. Kessler has his drink and drug problems but we are living in an increasingly obsessive society. These addictions can range from anything  – from cleaning and exercise to online gaming or smoking  – all our addictions no matter how small or big – touch our lives in some way. My addiction (or one of them…)is writing. I realised last week that I became obsessed with finishing the scene and, as a result, I became stubborn to the point where I could not see the wood from the trees as they say – I laugh about it now but I really should have taken my partner’s advice and walked away from that particular chapter – taken a break from writing as it was stressing me out – or even started on another part of the story…..no chance though – once I set myself a target – especially when scribing – I have to see it through – I am addicted to writing and although it can be a painful process at times (sorry Lilly – you are amazing for putting up with my stubborn obsession!) I accept the fact that I just have to write, it is my cross that I have to bear. But hey – we all know it is worth it for that ‘eureka’ moment when it all comes together!

Time

In ‘Neon Lights’, as in my first book, ‘City of Darkness’, Kessler is pushed for time. He has barely a minute to stand still and rest as the fast paced plot pulls him along at break neck speed and this is reflected in the world in which we live. In this media and technology driven society we citizens (especially in the Western World) are being exposed to so much from the comfort of their own homes – T.V,  smart phones, the internet, – all firing out adverts, films, information that exposes us to a full range of images and emotions and all at our finger tips to watch, read, absorb, sign up to, purchase and obsess over. Gone are the times where you could sit on a rocking chair on the front porch and watch the world go by without so much as a ring, beep or buzz to tell you that you are needed elsewhere. And trust me – I tried to get that dream. I worked in London for a number of years as a Secondary School English Teacher and a while ago I left that beautiful city (for I do love London) to seek a quieter life in a small town right by the Irish coast in Northern Ireland, where I spent most of my teenage years growing up. However, I was fooling myself, life is just as hectic. We live in a moment where time is more precious than ever – and I must always remember to keep some of it for those close to my heart (not just my addiction to writing!) – So, get ready for another cliché – work life balance is important, I suppose that is why it has turned into a cliché in the first place…..

Perspective

Finally – reflecting on last week has given me some perspective – that wider picture that allows you to put things in their correct place and wonder – ‘how did I get myself in such a mess in the first place.’ Perspective is important, especially if you are in something for the long term – as I am with my writing. My final cliché of the week is – nothing that is broken cannot be fixed – I must remember to tell myself, if ever I get writer’s block, struggle with a scene, or feel burned out, to put things in perspective and remember that most problems are not that big a deal. Only problem is…a leopard cannot change its spots (ok, so that definitely was the last cliché….) and like my flawed detective I cannot avoid my burning obsession that is to write, write and write and, I am afraid, I will always fly towards that flame…..

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What does your bookcase say about you?

As I was surfing Twitter (do people still use that term – ‘surfing?’) I stumbled upon @mybookcaseapp who was asking people to post pictures of their book case and this got me thinking. In this crowded, loud world where so many of us can access the lives of a good portion of the 6 billion people that live on this planet there are a lot of voices to shout over. It is difficult to be heard, tough to get to know anyone through so much traffic and noise that the internet produces every day. In this age of technological overload where even reading a book is a misnomer as so many of us are looking at text from a screen – there is no ‘book’ involved in the process – I thought it refreshingly retro to use the bookshelf as a window into the souls of those avid readers out there – is the bookshelf even still relevant? Time will tell! So then, let’s take a look at mine….

At a glance – there seems to be a mix of historical fiction, scifi with a smattering of political/historical texts. This makes sense – I read a wide range of genres but much of what I do read does originate from these areas.

Science fiction – that sense of adventure based around advanced technology has always been a part of my life. I admit to being a science geek and avid follower of whatever NASA/ESA mission happening. Here we see some of the classics ranging from the legend that was Ray Bradbury ‘The illustrated Man’, the founder of the cyberpunk genre – William Gibson with ‘Pattern Recognition’ to more recent scifi with the excellent Hugh Howey’s Silo series represented by ‘Wool’ and ‘Dust’. Julianna Baggott’s Pure Trilogy – set in a post-apocalyptic world – is also there and I am yet to read it but have been told to expect an exciting fast paced story.

Historical fiction is in there with the wonderful Shardlake series. C. J Sansom  brings the world of Henry VIII alive in colourful and vivid detail all the while keeping his readers on the edge of their seats as Shardlake, his hunchbacked lawyer come detective -goes against the social grain to solve a variety of mysteries. I think this genre would be on many a bookshelf – agents tell me it is the ‘buzz genre’ of the moment – everyone is looking for the next C.J Sansom. I guess with all the media coverage of the Richard III burial and popular series Time Team (that show has been going on forever!) as well as many other programmes  – all make history is cool again – add to that a crime and mystery element – and there you have it – a blockbuster in the waiting! I certainly love crime and mystery and have always held history – political/social/fictional – with great interest. This brings me onto my next genre….

We can always learn a lot from what we did in the past – growing up in Northern Ireland with a very politically motivated family( I have many memories of intense discussions around the dinner table as I was growing up)  – probably encouraged this! This environment extends to my passion for historical texts represented in this bookcase snapshot by ‘Wanderings’ Chaim Potok’s History of the Jews, Ilan Pappe’s ‘The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine’ and ‘Full Circle’ by J.E Johnson (an exciting, edge of you seat history of air fighting in the 20th century).

The rest of the books reveal my one overriding passion of writing – ‘Becoming a Writer’ by Dorothea Brande and ‘The Successful Author’s Handbook’ by Gordan Wells gives this obsession of mine away. There are a couple of books on Cathedrals and churches – these may suggest a religious part to my life but this is not the case – I have a healthy respect for all religions but do not practice any myself – these books were in fact used for research for my book ‘City of Darkness’.

So does this glimpse at my bookshelf reveal to the world who I really am? Yes and no. So much of what I do and what I identify myself as being come from books – however there are many that are not in this photo – I love crime fiction. The character of the detective for example (as seen in film noir for instance) is important to me for a number of reasons – and this is not seen here. Let’s just say that this sneak preview of my bookcase is just a glimpse at who I am – keep watching though! More to follow….

Please post me pics of your bookshelves – so we can see what you are reading at the moment..

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